i felt like my blood was boiling. every bad thing, every insult that they had ever called me came back. every time they said that i wasn’t good enough, every time that they made me mad. every single time that they made me feel like shit came back. it flooded my mind. every cell in my body boiled with rage. and pain. the desire to make them feel the pain that they had been forcing upon me since i was five was almost overwhelming.

and what was worse, i couldnt cut this time. the only way that i could ever make the pain go away, make the anger go away, that wasn’t an option this time. i could never break a promise to kierstyn. its not in my power. its not that i dont want to, its that i cant. and trust me, ive tried. i just cant, i love her so much that to break a promise to her… it would b like shattering my own heart. so i couldnt cut

ive never been that angry without cutting. it built and built with time. then the anger melted away. very slowly. leaving every part of me that it left scarred with the pain. and the pain still hasnt left yet

john and liz took away my phone again bcuz chey was being a jackhole. so thats eight right?

ive decided that im going to talk to them as little as possible and ignore them when i can… until i leave, thats wat i gotta do

i finally got the bloody hair dye, but liz wont let me use it until she talks to john. there are never home at the same time, ill never get my hair dyed

i say thats eight

 ok so now john’s step dad is coming over!! he always ruins things for me. and now, its very unlikely that i will get to see my fiance on the weekend of our three month anniversary!!

should i count that as seven? liz wont let me see her… im gonna count that as seven just cuz i want to ^^

MY BLOODY GOTH!!!!

first liz lets Cheyanne have the last gogurt, not a huge deal but then she yells at me for arguing: that’s two

then later she tells me that i’m getting my hair cut: thats three

then she refuses to take me to a place that actually knows how to cut hair: that’s four

THEN!! (yeah theres more) she cuts my hair so that it looks bloody moronic and goes “just put some gel in it” when she knows perfectly well that i hate putting gel in my hair: that’s five and six

AHHHHH!!! i bloody hate her!!!

any suggestions on how to handle this without blowing myself up?

killerkierspazz:

(via lickystickypickyme)

to get emancipated!!!!

john and liz both said that i could get my hair dyed before pictures, right? so liz was supposed to get it this afternoon, after she dropped me off at kier’s. instead she decided that she would go shopping for the girls. fine watever, doesnt matter.

then liz swears over and over that we’ll go after dinner. after dinner i ask, again she puts it off. “give me a minute”

then she comes downstairs half an hour later and says “we’re not going tonight” i ask y, its becuz john said so. i ask him y, he says its becuz he said so.

yeah my parents are so fucking loving, id like to show them just how “loving” i can be, those bloody bastards. im gonna start counting all the things that they lie to me about, and every ten lies or changing of minds, or times they yell at me or punish me for no reason, im going to not talk to them for an entire day, no matter the consequenses

i love her soooo much. i cannot even begin to describe it.

but, loving someone that much… it gives them the power to destroy you with a few simple words. but, no matter how often she hurts me… it doesn’t lessen my love for her… not even a little bit.

i went over to aarons amd not only did i not bring the book that i was writting, but i also forgot GWEN!!!!

and john and liz r probably gonna go through my computer, screwing my out of my computer… my life sucks

i love her SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much